When Life Gets Rough

“Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows…”

No one is exempt from trials and sorrows, but what do we do when we are experiencing them?  I (Chelsea) understand how helpful it can be to get away for a few minutes, to be quiet in the Lord’s presence and let Him minister to you…but, I started to wonder, “what do I do when I can’t take a break?”  Sometimes I’ll be sitting by my toddler’s bed, singing a lullaby (for the 10^th time) but she’s jumping up and down, joyfully, 45 minutes past her usual bedtime!  I need to stay in her presence, for the most part, but what do I do when my frustration builds to anger and I’m exhausted, and I just don't think I can handle it anymore?  What do I do when I’m feeling sad from lack of sleep, gray skies, and the thought of saying goodbye to our missionary teammates but am not able to process it because I know I need to be with my baby soon and I'm anxious that I won’t have the energy I need to play with her?  Thinking about the “real” problems, the big ones like hunger and poverty and spiritual darkness that are being faced by people all around me doesn’t help me in my own moments of darkness.  It makes me feel shallow and worthless.   

 I am so thankful for the things the Lord taught me as I read the book, The Call to Joy and Pain by Ajith Fernando.  Out of the many important truths in his book, I latched on to four things I could do in the midst of my time of suffering, no matter how big or small the world may judge it to be.  I hope these ideas, as well as the many others in the book, can be helpful to some of you.  So, here’s what I’m learning to do:

1    1.  Surrender.  When I am in the midst of a trial, I am usually holding onto something that I’m scared will be taken away from me.  I need to surrender EVERYTHING to the One who loves me and has me in His hands.  Usually, I need to surrender my desire to sleep!  Other possibilities are my plans, my control, my schedule, my comfort, my family’s safety and wellbeing.  Once I surrender, some of the frantic desperation is eased because it’s no longer up to me to control my situation.

2. Preach to yourself.  I loved the point Fernando made when he said that we need to learn to stop listening to our self-pitying internal conversation and start preaching deeper realities to ourselves.  Our hope is based on the truth of Jesus Christ, not circumstances and feelings.  So, I tell myself the sorrows may last for the night, but joy WILL come in the morning.  Or, Scripture verses that I’ve memorized, or true statements about my identity in Christ.  In the moment I’m not able to go to a worship service and hear a sermon, so I need the Lord’s help to recall His truth and speak it to my soul.

 

       3. Remember Intimacy with Jesus.  Remember that suffering brings you closer to Christ.  “If we have such a desire for intimacy with Christ, when we know that suffering deepens this intimacy, suffering loses its sting.  We do not fear it.  Instead, when it comes we choose to turn it into an opportunity to achieve our ambition – to get nearer to Christ.”  There’s something very sweet about talking with Jesus about my trials.  There’s a time to pray for deliverance, but there’s also a time to cling to Him as a friend.  “Hi Jesus, can you believe how many crazy things have happened to me tonight?  Have you ever experienced this?  I bet you felt so alone, too, when your disciples abandoned you that night.  Did you feel like the only one who could really understand you was your Father?  Sometimes, I feel alone, like you’re the only one who understands me, too.”

      4. Anticipate. God WILL rescue me.  Sometimes He changes my situation, sometimes He changes my heart, sometimes He brings the right people at the right time, sometimes He draws me to Himself because I have nowhere else to go.  Fernando says that, “even as we go through pain, this truth sustains us and we wonder, ‘How will God do it this time?’  We anticipate His deliverance with holy longing.  And when we see what He has done, our joy is complete!”

In John 16:33 Jesus said, “Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.  But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”  May He keep reminding you and me of His love, and may we keep turning to Him in both joy and sorrow, because He is victorious!

A Story of Devotion and Growth

A Story of Devotion and Growth

Ntakirutimana and Keziya

 Ntakirutimana and Keziya are friends of ours. They have been together for about seven years now. They are a young couple in which the Lord is doing wonderful things. In the culture of Rwanda, even among Christians, it is very common for people to begin living together without being married. This happens for several reasons but a main reason is that getting  officially married requires three ceremonies (a cultural – family wedding, an official government ceremony, and a church wedding) and lots of money, especially for the dowry and food and drinks for the receptions. So many couples begin living together with the plan to save money and eventually get married.

Ntakirutimana and Keziya have been unable to have children. Having children is the expectation placed on every couple. In fact, many couples have their first child in their arms between 9 to 12 months after they are married. If a couple hasn’t had children after a year or more people begin noticing and wondering why. As is common in the culture when this happens, Ntakirutimana’s family has told him many times that he should leave Keziya and find a different woman who will be able to bear him children. And Keziya’s family has also told her to leave him and find another man so that she can have children. In our trusting relationship they have shared this struggle with us and have asked us to pray with them for God’s blessing and that they will be able to have children. This has been a prayer request for many years. Please pray for them in this struggle.

In spite of all of this opposition from their families and a lot of ridicule and questions from friends and neighbors, Ntakirutimana and Keziya are committed to each other. They have a good relationship that is healthy in many ways. In the marriage studies we did in their church (Musovu Friends) they were some of the most attentive and were very quick to implement many of the ideas we discovered together. When we asked them about their relationship they, with joy, described how they are working to communicate better, he has been working to do better at letting her know what he is doing and to intentionally give her attention when he returns home from wherever he was working. One of their favorite study topics was “The Five Love Languages” from Gary Chapman. They described the fun of knowing each others’ preferred love language(s) and are working to love each other in ways that mean the most to the other. We asked Ntakirutimana what one of Keziya’s main love languages was and he sheepishly, with a big grin on his face, slid over closer to her on the bench they were sitting on and put his arm around her as he told us that she feels very loved with physical touch. This was special and unusual in a culture where spouses don’t touch in public. This is a powerful testimony to those around them.

One of the ways we have been mentoring them is challenging them to get married officially. Culturally it is very difficult for them to consider getting married after being together for seven years and still not having children. They told me that getting married now would have a deep element of sadness since a big part of marriage is having children together and they have not been able to do that. We have encouraged them to obey the Lord and get married. They are planning to get married in April or May of this year!

We also helped to connect them to one of our friends who is a missionary and a midwife. She met with them about a month ago and encouraged them and gave them good advice. We are asking the Lord to answer their prayers, to give them children.

When they were at our house, before we moved to Musanze, I asked them how things were going for them. God is doing special things in their lives and it is a joy to see Him in their lives. They said that everything is going very well. They only problem we have now is the problem of not being able to have children yet. They then went on to describe how things are going. He reminded me that he used to be a young man who thought that he would never amount to anything. He thought that he would never have his own house. He had no purpose in life and no hope for the future. His parents gave him a piece of land as part of his inheritance and he considered it to be worthless. Through the process of being discipled and the Lord speaking to him through The Purpose Driven Life Ntakirutimana’s life has been transformed. Ntakirutimana learned that he has great worth, that God loves him and that He offers salvation as a gift of His grace. They have learned that God has already given them resources and strength to accomplish much.

He told us that they now have 5 pieces of land. The one from his parents he made into a forest so that he will be able to sell trees for lumber. Another piece of land is where they built their house with the help of the “house-building association” there in Musovu. They also use part of that land to grow a few bananas, pineapples, and peanuts. They have a cow and have planted cow grass to feed it. On another piece of land they planted banana plants that are really good for making banana juice. On another plot they planted banana plants for eating and selling. In the States we would call these plantains. He planted the banana plants in large holes with lots of fertilizer and he composts the old banana plants in the holes. They have recently purchased a new improved banana seed that will produce even more bananas. They are slowly planting the new banana plants next to the old bananas and by the time the old bananas are ready to harvest and then removed the new ones will be getting close to ready to harvest as well. It is quite unusual for someone in Rwanda to always be looking for ways to improve what he already has, especially if it costs more money. Their fifth piece of land is in a small town about 20 minutes away (walking) where they have built a small building in which they will sell banana juice and other types of food, both ready to eat and raw food. As he was finishing describing all of this to me, he said something like,

“Brad, most people in our area are always running from place to place trying to get jobs for the day, working in difficult jobs that are even dangerous, trying to survive, trying to find something to eat! They are tired and worn-out and don’t have peace. We on the other hand, work our land. We do a little each day improving our fields, planting, weeding, harvesting, building our shop, etc. We always have food. We are not tired and worn-out and we live in peace. We have time to help in the church, to visit people, etc.”

 What an awesome testimony of what God can and is doing in peoples’ lives! As we walk with the Lord, He transforms us in all areas of life!  Please say a quick prayer, praising God for what He is doing in Ntakirutimana and Keziya and in Musovu, and asking God to bless them and help them. And pray that this whole-life discipleship will keep expanding deeper and wider!